exhausted

i am so tired. i am so tired that i'm not tired does that make sense?

it's been an incredibly long week. one spent running from work to study, to class, to events, etc... i left my house by 645 every morning and didn't get home until after dark and i think today my body is catching up with me.

it's been an exciting week though. i had my first day in the ICU and I LOVED it. I cannot tell you how excited I am to go back. It's so neat up there and I think I may have found my calling.

i also know i have my calling in taking care of kids, hopefully just my own at some point. i took jonas and maisie to the park today and as after jonas and i had a serious talk about some questionable behavior and i was hugging him like no other, i realized just how much i want to have that chance with my own. to be as good to my children as i am to other people's. i can't believe how much patience i have garnered over the years and how much better i am at taking care of them then i was ten years ago. i would hope my bambinos would benefit from it.

in other slightly boring news...
I put these lovely dark brown sheets on my bed today after an exhaustive search of just the right color, I actually found some at Target I am quite fond of.

As for tonight, I was hoping to go bowling with some friends, but I think I'm going to stay in and go to bed early, so I can get up and get the mounds of school work that is on my plate started.

i realized in the past few days i cannot wait to relax, just a little. i love school, i love nursing, but i can't wait to not have to worry about taking tests and such...

when i die (i'm serious)

we were given the ability to create our advanced directives in class the other day. i loved it. i guess because i am okay with my death, i figure i won't have to deal with it. :)

but i had to think of what i wanted done once i actually died. i knew i wanted to be cremated, but what to do with the ashes?

i knew almost instantly.

i want them spread in elliot bay. I love Seattle with everything in me, it breathes life into me when I am there. It feels like home, it feels like me. I see the Seattle skyline and I am breathless. I love going home and hoping on a ferry ride by myself, a lot of the time I'll take the ferry to Bremerton just for the ride and then I turn around and head back. There is something so divine and heavenly being surrounded by mountains and water and polar fleece. I LOVE the pacific northwest. oh how i love you with every part of my soul.

so please take my remains on a ferry and dump them once you get a good view of seattle. let my body rest in my favorite perch in the world and then get scattered wherever the ocean may take me.

And if you can. If i have that kind of cashola... add a mermaid fountain to children's hospital and dedicate it to me. but make it a quiet area... with room to breathe and just be... to be quite amidst all of the medical and emotional storms that take over people's lives...